Chewbacca's Domain

The Brand of Me

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 03:07:51 GMT

Not owning a TV for the last several years has made it rather difficult to stay abreast on current events. Nonetheless, one guilty pleasure is to watch Comedy Central’s original programming as much as possible. For news, I’d rather not watch the standard, boring news foretelling impending doom – at least, not without a comedic twist. Therefore, I rely heavily on John Stewart and Stephen Colbert for my information.

Originally, I thought Stephen Colbert was the more amusing of the two. Lately, I think his antics have become a bit much. It really boils down to his character as an unabashed narcissist; yet, what makes him so successful is probably that he resonates well with the “Brand of Me” culture ubiquitous amongst the up-and-coming Yuppie crowd.

For artists, authors, and others who rely on their creative talent and branding to be successful, creating an image and putting it out to the world is essential. Therefore, I can respect figures such as Stephen Colbert jumping at every opportunity to have everything under the sun named after him (even an entire species – of spider). What makes his character less amusing, however, is the advice that’s dished out to young professionals about creating this own “brand” of uniqueness to set themselves apart from the crowd.

As such, I feel like an outdated traditionalist past his time. In most settings, there’s absolutely no requirement to try to express unbridled individuality at every moment. While useful in some settings, people aren’t all that much different from each other. Individual circumstances may vary, but for the vast majority of people, there isn’t much about one particular person that sets him apart from the crowd. This isn’t to say that people don’t differ – each person has a unique connection of talents, virtues, and shortcomings; but to think of one person as radically different from the next is fallacious.

If given the opportunity, people can do incredible things to rise to the challenge. For every Stephen Colbert, there’s probably a dozen New Yorkers who could put on his act just as well as he. However, by patience, luck, and his personality, he managed to become a cultural icon.

For those of us who aren’t such icons, such rugged individualism is downright obnoxious outside of the artistic domain. The “artistic license” ends the moment the cameras go off, the pen / paintbrushes are put down, and the instruments are stowed away. While designated areas are appropriate for expressing one’s individuality, life, in general, is not a stage – but an opportunity to work together.

With so many people indoctrinated that they’re unique snowflakes, such influences should also hang the “de-motivational poster” disclaimer (“just like everyone else”) to preserve a little humility. While narcissism may call attention to oneself, it doesn’t win respect. Unless a person really can accomplish everything they set out for in life alone, it’s a dangerous and lonesome road upon which to embark. Not all of us are Howard Roark, and even if we think we are, it’s a pretty dysfunctional life full of hardship and alienation.

While self-esteem can be a protective factor that enables people to take certain risks and be shielded from a certain amount of failure, it rarely increases performance as many positive-energy-thinkers do. There is an average, and most people will fall into it upon any particular axis. Deluding ourselves to think otherwise sets us up for failure. A culture that insists that everyone ought to be in the spotlight at all times will eventually outdo itself with senseless competition. It’s near impossible to appreciate the efforts of others when focused on oneself.

By all means, It’s fine to take credit when credit’s due, but respect can be earned by wisdom and expertise gained from cooperation. While competition is useful under some circumstances, it’s not meant to cattle prod people into overdrive all the time. That’s when people ultimately burn out, self-destruct, and have to face the real dark spectre of failure without a life preserver.

That said, Stephen Colbert probably would have gotten my vote for President. Maybe.

Job Well-Done

Fri, 23 May 2008 00:53:38 GMT

Tonight marks the conclusion of the last day with my project at Cowen and Company. My “tour of duty” was extended an additional week, and while I was a little bit surprised we went over-schedule, it wasn’t a complete shock. I was the only consultant left behind chosen to deal with tying up a few loose ends, but which ends could have made or broken our relationship with them. Ironic how I, the “new guy,” ended up in that position. In all, I’m quite honoured, it hasn’t quite hit home that I’m finally leaving the place.

The most difficult challenge I ended up facing as a new consultant wasn’t so much the workload, but rather managing expectations. There was absolutely no rubric upon entering this project to which I could measure myself and give a firm answer as to whether I was performing well. There were a few moments of encouragement, but the real feedback didn’t start showing up until almost the very end of the assignment. What was supposedly a “routine upgrade” turned out to be a royal pain, whilst we encountered many undocumented problems that weren’t anticipated, and which we struggled to satisfactorily resolve.

It’s hard to measure one’s output against the simple metric of, “is it working?” At least in my opinion, if the answer is “No,” there is still work to do. Furthermore, when there’s a certain deadline on which one must deliver something in a pristine state, even a minor blemish is amplified from being a mere hanging chad to a feeling like it nullifies the entire progress to date, in my opinion. When it comes to these situations, I am whole-heartedly a perfectionist. I’m extremely uneasy if something isn’t flawless. Maybe in time I’ll gain some perspective, but as it stands, it really sunk my self-confidence on a lot of days when perhaps it shouldn’t.

I should be happy. I’m free from having this project be my primary concern. I was able to pretty much resolve any problems they were aware of, and therefore I can rest peacefully. There’s a minor problem that remains yet unsolved, but it’s not likely to have rested on our shoulders anyway – it’s a problem that’s almost entirely beyond our control, so we think. Therefore, I must let go…

Several of the Cowen project managers and QA staff treated me to lunch yesterday, and seemed genuinely sad to see me leave this afternoon. They pretty much assured me if they required any further assistance from our department, I’ll be at the top of their “to-call” list.

Even though I think most of us broke out the metaphorical champagne glasses last weekend, and I was pretty much paid the highest complement a consultant could, I was still very nervous this week. While I didn’t necessarily want to leave, I knew that my presence was a favour. However, should any new problems arise, it was my sole responsibility to take over the expertise of the other two team members who worked on very different subsystems. I could only pray that something major wouldn’t break, and a few unforeseen problems did arise. Thankfully, they turned out to be quite minor, but they could have been much bigger.

I think I must have a problem. Sometimes, I have absolutely no confidence in my work. I worry about things that are entirely beyond my control, and even when there are precautions I can take, I’m constantly second-guessing myself. Perhaps that’s the problem with being a scientist – one can never prove anything, except in math. Theories can only be disproven. It doesn’t matter if things have been going wonderfully for the last few weeks, for who knows what the future holds?

Now I return to our company’s main office, where I basically sit in a holding pattern waiting to hear about my new assignment. Still, in spite of the many cities that have been mentioned, nothing’s official. Companies are always looking for a way to cut costs, and that many times involves delaying projects from starting, changing their location, length, or scope. With the exception of my previous team-mates and project manager, I don’t think anyone within the company has a clue what I accomplished. It’s back to the drawing board with a clean slate, and I only hope that people remember everything come my year-end review in little more than a month.

A part of me feels like celebrating, yet there’s really nobody I can call to hang out with on a moment’s notice. So here I am, writing. Is this the life of a businessman?
Speaking of which, the stream-of-consciousness session is time address another friend’s remark. While I commonly enjoyed the person’s companionship at Berkeley, sometimes I really think she can be off the mark. We were conversing online the other evening, and I was telling her a little bit about how things were going, including the success I’ve had tutoring after work. In spite of everything, she her positive feedback was subdued by her qualification of, “you have to have the entrepreneurial spirit.” Perhaps I have to add this person to my list of overprotective friends who really underestimate my abilities, especially when this is a service I’ve provided for over six years, about a venture which success has only been limited by my free time. Several months ago, she discouraged me from considering an MBA programme, in spite of the fact that my company would probably pay for most of the tuition, simply because she didn’t think I had “the right personality” or “leadership skills.” What she fails to understand is that there are many highly effective leadership styles, and even while I’m not going out there trying to show off my influence at every moment, few people who’ve ever worked with me would question those abilities. I usually don’t start becoming an outspoken leader in a project unless I’m almost absolutely certain I’ll succeed. Until then, I’m happy letting other people shine. Even if a project’s success relies heavily on me, I’m careful to let others have room for their input and to have a chance to shine.

If that weren’t enough, now I’m more curious than ever to learn about how to use the stock market to my advantage. There’s just a daunting bit of information to keep track of; I have no idea how I’ll be able to analyse anything and make solid choices. I doubt I’ll do very much to invest directly in the market until I’m confident that I know how to make informed decisions, so I’ll just allow my current mutual fund picks (with paltry balances) work for me in the interim. However, it’d be nice to learn how to do something that quite frankly so many people seem to know a great deal about. I’ve signed up for a free stock-market game on Investopedia that gives me the ability to manage $100,000 at the start. The last two days have been dismal failures, but who knows, maybe I’ll learn something eventually. The people who do best at the game seem to conduct a great deal of options trading. Now, more than ever, I feel compelled to pick one of my friend’s brains and know how it’s done…

Why does it really matter? Beyond the personal finance reasons, I’d like to honestly know how people use my company’s software. It’s ridiculous to know how to set it up properly, test it out, but not know how people trading millions of shares each day use it. If anything, it’ll help me speak to traders down the road, which can be a pretty demanding bunch. It’s hard to find one with any technical knowledge, as it’s difficult to find a technical person with any business knowledge. Eventually, I’d like to change that about myself.

Damn, I really am a Yuppie.

Another Zippergate

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 23:00:19 GMT

Somehow it doesn’t surprise me that yet another leader has become tarnished with scandal. Particularly, I’m referring to Eliot Spitzer, Governor of New York. In the tradition of having a “wide stance” on morality that separates public and private life, his actions have nonetheless caught up with gaining public attention.

Having been a recent transplant to New York, and one who doesn’t closely follow politics – especially when I’m still feeling like something of a transient, he has earned the reputation of somebody who’s seemingly championed the cause of weeding out corruption.

Amongst his pet projects, he’s sought to investigate Wall Street tycoons and banks who’re largely responsible for the subprime meltdown and financial chaos crippling the economy. Reading up a little about him, he has a good record of being a consumer advocate, going after the corporate doublespeak where “taking it seriously” has devolved into a snarkfest amongst many.

There are two layers of irony. A person who claims tackle crime and corruption, even with respect to prostitution, falls into the very trap his platform desires to eradicate. (Maybe it’s a case of Freudian projection, but at the time, there’s yet no evidence suggesting his extramarital liaisons were a habit.) This category is what makes it difficult for constituents to trust his judgement in holding office. In this sense, I’m less forgiving than I’ve been with President Clinton’s scandal, since the latter's affair was consensual, legal, and none of the public’s business.

The other irony, somewhat more disturbing, is examining who gains from Spitzer’s scandal. Instead of feeling a general sense of victory, it’s going to be Wall Street who serves most to gain by Spitzer’s departure. Thankfully, while the FBI has been scrutinising several investment banks for possible fraud, it never hurts to have State pressure applied as well. While they may not be clear, they stand to be relieved of a menacing adversary.

So while people debate over the prostitution issue, it masks a much broader picture. There’s no guarantee that any possible successor to Spitzer will be any less corrupt – as corruption can take many forms as well as degrees. However, the chances that a person who will replace Spitzer with the knowledge and determination to address urgent problems that affect millions of people is much less likely.

It’s hard to see who wins if Spitzer resigns, and whether the vast majority of us would be better off.

Book Review: Never Let Me Go

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 03:53:44 GMT

Imagine growing up in a boarding school. You’re completely cut off from the entire world, and while you have every available chance to learn and play with your classmates, you’re always kept at arm’s length by your teachers. Add in the fact that somehow you’re told you’re “very special” and have to be very careful throughout life when it comes to common-sense things like not smoking or having unprotected sex, but somehow it’s more important for you than others. While you’re treated as a privilege class, there’s an eerie suspicion that eclipses your idyllic lifestyle foreshadowing a grim truth in the distant future.

If this sounds intriguing, then checking out a copy of Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro is well worth your time. In its presentation of a reality that’s close to ours, but still mysteriously and ominously different, it reminds me of the probing innocence and discovery that one finds in The Giver by Lois Lowry. In some regards, it’s a little closer to home.

While the narrator chooses to play her cards close for a while, being intentionally vague with descriptions, such as herself being a “carer,” it doesn’t take very long to catch onto the general scheme, and therefore I don’t feel incredibly guilty about spoiling much. A group of children are followed throughout their life from childhood as they become aware that their raison d'être is solely for organ harvesting. The chosen “students” are prescribed a complete cradle-to-grave programme to provide a leisurely life, only to sacrifice themselves before even reaching middle age. All this happens without having any meaningful interaction with the outside world.

While the rationale about the elaborate lengths that a handful of dedicated people went through to execute the programme “humanely,” it isn’t quite clear what their connection with the outside world is. Everyone simply begins donating their internal organs when they’re called upon, particularly very young. Never once does is an actual organ recipient mentioned, and it’s only briefly alluded to that people from the lowest socioeconomic classes and/or the morally depraved were chosen to be “clone models.” Additionally, each clone child is sterile.

For this reason, it’s uncertain why the lower classes would be chosen to benefit from organ harvesting, although if moral depravity was part of their inclusion criteria, it may be fitting to have your carbon copy waiting to be beckoned to save you from yourself. However, it doesn’t quite seem that clear. None of the students are known to be excused from donations, therefore it’s not certain who the children are and for whom they serve, adding to the isolation.

The children definitely wonder about one lies ahead, but they’re also quite perceptive and begin to catch on fairly young at what fate lies for them. Oddly enough, the students don’t tend to react strongly against the news. There’s not one hint of protest, or even an inkling of questioning. As young adults becoming aware of the entire process, they’re more curious to discover their “possibles” (clone models) and eager to begin the next stage of their lives.

By most standards, the children appear to be remarkably normal. They appear to be rather athletic, creative, smart, and intelligent. They seem to know much about the world that lies beyond their isolation. However, they are never that curious to engage it. Simply knowing about the world rather than first-hand experience seems enough. They move on, take on a job that’s assigned to them, and appear to want to do the best they can. Like before, they give everything its due, and then willingly advance to the next stage.

It’s disturbing how little resistance there is to the idea of self-sacrifice. They may even believe, as they’ve been told, that it’s an honour and a privilege in spite of its obvious pitfalls. Instead of draconic measures, control seems to be far more passive and decentralised, relying exclusively on peer pressure and weak recommendations. Nobody appears to suffer any punishment, and especially once the children leave their boarding school, there’s no reason to believe they could simply wander away and disappear amongst the rest of civilisation without any consequences… and yet, nobody does.

The group are brainwashed into loving who they are, and embracing their life purpose. Perhaps it lends credence to the power of isolation, and how fragile and arbitrary any societal structure can be. It becomes clear how a child may be reared as a part of a cult, only to be released from its control, but reject his/her newfound freedom. Less dramatically, the process slowly reveals how easily people submit to absurd and harmful things, from an outsider’s perspective, solely based on a diffuse expectation and not necessity. People toil over jobs they hate, stay married to people they have trouble getting along with, raise families, buy big-ticket items like fancy homes and cars, obtain advanced degrees, associate with one group of people while distancing oneself from another, all predicated on expectation that it’s “simply the way it’s done.” Making choices that don’t sit well with our fulfillment, however, is like digging a little grave each day, much like these characters who march on.

Also evident are how people can convince themselves that they’re acting on the best interest of others from their perspective, but take the wrong measures, or simply don’t go far enough. It becomes apparent later that many other “donors” grew up in conditions far worse than the main characters. The exaltation that the protagonists experience among the other donors is simply due to fact that their formative years were spent in better conditions than the rest. While the boarding school staff may feel justified in their commitment to provide a lifestyle approaching normal for some youngsters, crusading on behalf of the clone children that they indeed have souls and ought to be treated compassionately, they uphold their "ultimate fate" comforting themselves that other people have it much worse.

This is all without touching the larger issue over medical ethics resulting from cloning human beings for treating disease. While the novel may be considered a strong endorsement to ban cloning and perhaps some practices involving embryonic stem cell research and genetic engineering, it would be a loss to simply distill it down to that alone. It’s a wonderfully rich and engaging novel in spite of its macabre nature. Maybe it’ll even be one of those things which you may never let it go.

Manhattan Apartment Rent Trends for 2007

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 00:18:35 GMT

Hrmm,

Suddenly I don't feel quite so ripped off on the housing situation... or do I? Who actually has this much money lying around to afford paying rent in Manhattan?

http://www.tregny.com/year_end_report_2007.jsp

Perhaps it'll be a while before considering a doorman building... Housing crisis, can you make rental property values plummet, too? kthx.

Cheap Wine Reviews Published

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 16:19:18 GMT

A few weeks ago, some friends of mine held a wine-tasting event for bottles on a budget. The thirteen bottles of wine up for scrutiny amounted to almost $33. Several of the people there are involved in journalism, including a few people from The New York Times and Radar Magazine.

Radar funded the research, and the results are published online.
Wine on a Dime

(P.S. The author was my apartment broker.)

Not bad! My name was even mentioned as a part of the tasting panel! Research is fun :)

Berkeley Squirrels: Rattlesnake Defense

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 14:32:03 GMT

Well, apparently squirrels have a newly discovered function that's useful for humans. If you keep an army of squirrels around you at all times while in the middle of the desert, you may be protected from rattlesnakes:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070814/ap_on_sc/hot_tail;_ylt=AhJ2pRS5J75RlQGVfQsjwbsDW7oF

The reason? Adult squirrels have evolved a defense mechanism to ward off snakes by shaking their warm, bushy tails which indicate that a predatory snake has been detected. Snakes sense infrared heat. Furthermore, adult squirrels are immune to rattlesnake venom. As an aside, could there be a new treatment for snake venom that would come from the secrets of the squirrel?

Perhaps not a big deal around climates that receive a lot of water, snakes are pretty common in California. Therefore, I feel one more reason to feel delighted when I see a pack of bushy-tailed creatures.

The Monday Cure; Tuesdays and Wednesdays

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 06:42:37 GMT

Even though yesterday started off to be rather unpleasant, the day improved as it went on. I also neglected to mention a few very positive things that happened during the weekend.

Classes of not unreasonable difficulty are a prophylaxis for boredom. I suppose my chemistry course was even a part of it, since despite the tedium of writing lab reports, learning about how to find trace elements in sample is interesting, especially in forensic science applications. Once electrochemical techniques were elucidated – what they describe, and what they don’t – experiments began to make more sense. Furthermore, the GSIs were speaking with the professor after class about anomalies found during people’s experiments. I had my data right and hand, so they were able to verify that something was definitely amiss for everyone in that experiment. I’m hoping their discovery offers some leniency on that report.

My social and developmental psychology courses continue to overlap a great deal. This isn’t surprising, since developmental psych is concerned with the social development of children. The regular professor’s still ill in developmental psych, so one of the GSIs took over the lecture. I suppose she’s a fairly good lecturer… and considering she and I are probably nearly the same age, I admire her speaking ability. It doesn’t mean that I don’t miss last weeks’ guest lecturer, since she was a great speaker, and clearly an expert in her field. Midterms for Developmental Psych were passed back today, and I’m thrilled to have done very well on it. Hard work continues to pay off.

On the otherhand, the saga with The Rude Kid continues. I’ll have to end the situation very soon, because now he’s continuing to behave more inappropriately each day. Berkeley students are competitive, afterall! I showed up to the room about five minutes before the other class should have been dismissed, only to find the class before us (Chemistry 4B) had let out early. The Rude Kid was already sitting in “his” seat, with a friend. Fair enough, if he arrives before me, that’s perfectly okay, he’s entitled to it under those circumstances. However, I sat about seven or eight seats away in the same row, when he begins speaking in Spanish to someone sitting next to him about me. An Asian girl was sitting behind him, not understanding what he’s saying, he turns to her and says, “That’s okay. We speak Spanish as a security measure, so that people can’t understand us.” His voice pierces through the auditorium like a knife, and little did he know, but I’ve taken four years of Spanish still manage to have enough comprehension to understand what people are discussing. After being cautious and hearing “silla,” “asiento,” and location terms “a la izquierda,” “Le dije que eso [insert verb] mio” – there was absolutely no disputing that I was understood exactly what he was saying. I looked at him and said, “You know, I speak Spanish and know you’re talking about me.” He turns to me and tries to deny it. I told him he’s lying, and he doesn’t back down his position. I’m sorry, but this guy has major issues.

My first lab report for Chemistry 105 is finally done, even if it’s being turned in a little late. The penalty isn’t too bad, but it’s bona fide progress towards graduation. The next one’s due Monday, but this writeup is on Atomic Absorption Spectroscopy, a topic I know far more about, and the results are far less ambiguous, I hope.

Yesterday, I met inithica for the first time. While there was a little cross-talk about meeting up (thanks in part to Evil Sprint), we improvised and had sushi instead. It’s always a treat to meet other cool people, especially given that it’s hard to do so under normal circumstances, and thus am thrilled to have made a new friend.

Sami has also been very helpful lately in helping me out on my job search in New York. I’ve been a bit distracted with midterms, projects, and tutoring students lately, so she took the initiative to send my resume and CV out to many of her friends who’re professionals and might have job openings at their company. So far, two of them have responded with leads I may have to follow up on. Also, The Boylston Group in San Francisco, has left four messages in the last month regarding various openings about the Bay Area, although I call them back and tell them I’m looking for openings in New York. They gave me the contact of their sister organisation, Remington International, another avenue I must pursue. Right about now, anything related in software or website development or consulting, especially in the scientific sector, would be a good technology-based job. The scientific research is definitely going to be in my court.

Yet I had another conversation with the amazing guest lecturer for Developmental Psychology. Apparently, the regular professor’s quite ill with pneumonia, and thus we’re being taught by a series of leading experts(!) that only UC Berkeley and other prestigious institutions can attract. Towards the end of class, the professor briefly mentioned autism and Autism Spectrum Disorders, and thus I had an opportunity to ask her about some of my concerns related to Asberger’s Syndrome that’ve been lying dormant for some time. The DSM-IV tends to diagnose the condition vaguely and in ways that appear to be largely subjective towards societial standards, so I was interested to hear more about “real world examples” of people who have the disorder, since in theory so many scientists and “gifted” people resemble the diagnostic criteria. Perhaps my fears have been set aside, a little, since there seems to be at least moderate impairment involved with understanding other people’s emotions and intentions, which is very different from being generally “socially awkward.” I hope she continues to be around, I’m curious to find out more about what she’s studying, or maybe if she knows people conducting psychological research on the East Coast. She’s definitely willing to set people in the right direction. Though one thing became clear: professors always ask students (especially in multidisciplinary fields) what their major is. I replied honestly (Biochemistry), but it doesn’t paint the full picture (namely, emphasis on neuroscience, molecular cell biology, psychology, and computer science). This is apparent since she’s made several allusions to computers and correlates between the brain and computation. What does one say when a person’s has such a broad background that one’s major, or job, cannot even begin to really define himself? Interviews for medical schools, jobs, and research opportunities are definitely going to ask these questions, so I should learn how to reply without selling myself short. People in charge of admissions or hiring don’t want to hear everyone’s life story, in fact their decisions are made fairly quickly.

Time to fix dinner and then crash. Thank goodness these tedious nights will hopefully only last another couple months. :P

Case of the Mondays

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 21:13:32 GMT

So maybe my Monday began a little earlier than usual at midnight this morning, but life’s definitely continued to be a little annoying lately.

This morning started off in a brief episode of sheer terror. After climbing out of bed to pack up my computer, I was checking my e-mail before heading out the door when my power adapter suddenly stopped working. I checked cable and all the connections, and plugged the cord into another outlet to no avail. I even allowed the transformer to “cool down” for about 10 minutes before trying again, although this test also failed. My laptop’s still under warranty, but without a working laptop and no easy alternative, even going into work would be difficult, since all my applications and data are saved on this terminal. I started to take inventory of everything that I would need to pull off the computer and e-mail to myself, to get through the next few days, until Dell could send a replacement.

After this morning’s chemistry lecture, I went into the lounge in order to start e-mailing a few documents. Just to be sure, I attempted to plug in the power adapter to see if it still didn’t function. To my surprise, it worked! Still, I contacted Dell Tech Support and described the problem, so they’re sending me out a replacement – which I want, in case there continue to be problems with the one I have.

Speaking of chemistry, the professor just begun lecturing on electrochemistry analysis – the lab that my group had just turned in without much of a clue how to accomplish. That’s just lovely, because once he spent some time on the topic, things started to make sense. Trying to figure out how to accomplish something before one has the tools to analyse the problem is something reserved, in this case, for the electrochemists. Most of us probably have little, if any, exposure to electrochemical analysis, and it’s a field in which one can focus their entire doctoral studies in. As I explained to a friend last night, if I had the option of studying electrochemistry, or having my wisdom teeth pulled, I’d choose the dentist as it’s the least painful of the two options (in the way it was presented, at any rate.)

Another hiccup with the chemistry lab – the report that I’d have a very easy time writing up had an unforseen snafu, since not all of the standard solutions to run our unknown sample were prepared. We have to reserve another lab period to use the Atomic Absorption Spectrometer, after we prepare our Iron standards. I thought we were done with this experiment, and I probably would have written that one up in lieu of the electrochemistry, simply because the EC hadn’t been introduced in class yet. As a group, we have to really be on each other to make sure that everything’s done correctly, since there appears to be a lot of cross-talk. Alas, deadlines.

The Annoying Kid strikes again. He did his usual routine of sitting the seat next to me, even though there were plenty of open spaces, and commenting to somebody behind him how it bothers him that someone is sitting in “his” seat. However, today he ends up inching his notebook onto my desk – so much so that half of it was practically supported by my desk. Perhaps in his view, I’m asking for it, but he has absolutely no manners.

To end on a positive note, I met with a new tutoring student who’s really nice, and the tutoring agency’s looking to give me more hours. Also, last night, my roommate, her boyfriend, and I brought an old, clunky laptop down to the hot tub and watched Russian Dolls on DVD, for the geekiest entertainment ever. We’re not ashamed! :P

Hopefully the rest of the week begins to look up.

Daily Dose of Rudeness

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 06:41:13 GMT

Some people either have a serious chip on their shoulder, or clearly are unconcerned about how they come off to other people. Even though I think most people are generally pretty good-natured, even if they’re not going out of their way to love their neighbours, there are occasionally a few instances that make one shake their head and ask, “What the fuck?”

Example 1: At the Coffee Shop
This evening in Tully’s, a man had just purchased tea from the counter. My friend Jessica, the barista (not Jessica, the bartender), was cleaning up tables and noticed the man pouring the tea out into the trash can. Jessica asked him, “Oh, did we put too much water in there? I can pour a little out in the sink behind the counter if you’d like.” The man didn’t acknowledge her, and continued pouring into the trash can. Jessica spoke again, “That trash can leaks, and it will make a big mess. Please don't do that.” He was not deterred. Nonetheless, he understood enough to glare at her as he was finished with his business. If this man appeared to be homeless, deaf, or otherwise mentally ill, that wouldn’t be an issue. However, he was a well-groomed, somewhat young professional.

Example 2: The annoying kid in class
Maybe if the first person can receive some sympathy because maybe he had a bad day, the second guy exhibits his rude, obnoxious behaviour on a daily basis. My classes are usually in large lecture halls, seating several hundred students. I’ve also been known to sit in one of the first few rows, near the centre, consistently in every class.

Enter the rude kid.

A few weeks ago, out of the clear blue, he sits directly in the seat next to me (leaving no buffer zone, despite having about half a dozen chairs on either side of him), and makes an off-handed comment to his “buddies” behind him about how awkward it is to sit next to someone he doesn’t know. Then he turns to me and says, “You’re sitting in my seat.” I nodded nonchalantly, and proceeded to ignore him.

Two classes ago, I’m sitting in pretty much the same chair, and he sits next two seats to my right. Just before the lecture, he’s chatting with different people in the row behind us (who don’t really seem that fond of him), and he leans in my direction and says, “Thank you for not sitting in my seat.”

I couldn’t think of anything more obnoxious. I looked at him and replied, “Well, thanks, but I didn’t do anything. It’s not like we have assigned seats or anything.” Undeterred, he responded, “I know, but it’s still where I sit.”

This interlude called for one thing. Take his seat. That’s precisely what I did yesterday.

How did it go, you may ask? Well, he was passive-aggressive about it. He sat in the chair right next to me, leaned back to talk to two people in the row behind him, on average a distance of 4 chairs to his left or right, to say how weird it is, again, to sit next to someone he doesn’t know. This time, I said, “Well, why don’t you join your friends behind you? It must be very inconvenient to have to look behind you and strain yourself to talk with them.” He responded, ‘Well, I remembered thanking you for not sitting in my seat the other day. But that’s okay, you can sit by me even if I don’t know you. Lots of people want to sit by me.” The nerve of him!

Or maybe he’s gay and trying to hit on me.

I think the guy just lost his seat for the rest of the course. He must not be accustomed to not having his way. It might be time that he learns a valuable life lesson. Had he not made such a fuss, I wouldn’t have ever noticed.

Either way, he’s going to be quite disappointed, and I really don’t care.

More Meme Nutsiness

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 04:28:00 GMT

Your Extroversion Profile:

Sociability: High

Activity Level: Medium

Assertiveness: Low

Cheerfulness: Very Low

Excitement Seeking: Very Low

Friendliness: Very Low

How Extroverted Are You?

You Are a Husky Puppy

Sweet, affectionate, and docile.
But when you see a cat or chicken, it's kill kill kill!!!

What Breed of Puppy Are You?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Interpersonal Intelligence

You shine in your ability to realate to and understand others.
Good at seeing others' points of view, you get how people think and feel.
You have an uncanny ability to sense true feelings, intentions, and motivations.
A natural born leader, you are great at teaching and mediating conflict.

You would make a good counselor, salesperson, politician, or business person.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

You are 100% Sagittarius

How Sagittarius Are You?

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict.
One moment you're in your own little happy universe...
And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

Holiday Travels - Part I

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 03:52:14 GMT

I’m back in Long Beach, and whatever heinous flu I was battling before departing decided to give me a break before heading down to Southern California. Wednesday evening, I arrived greeted by my parents at the airport, and checked into La Casa de Smith for my brief stay. Even though it hasn’t been too long since I’ve been in town for Thanksgiving, many things have changed significantly.

Apparently, my brother’s going through some major life changes. If there were ever a period in a person’s life when they’ve completely changed their course overnight, my brother epitomises that example. Almost overnight, he decided to quit his job, move back in with my parents, and break up with his girlfriend, while saving expenses and attending school. For those who are aware of my brother’s battles with higher education, this change divests him completely from the “I’ll earn my degree after I’ve built up my career” approach. It’s going to be quite an adjustment in shifting to a lifestyle to where he will be forced to live on an extremely limited income, although nothing could delight my family more than to see him return to college.

The evening I arrived consisted little more than having dinner and talking with my parents, followed by bedtime. At least in coming this direction, that first day always seems to be null and void, in terms of planning anything special on the agenda. Contributing to the inactivity is that I still rely on Benadryl to keep from coughing and sneezing the entire time home, and having major problems with asthma. Even though I’ve been partially reacclaimated to felines in my apartment in the Bay Area, there’s something about this household that causes problems every time (even though last Thanksgiving and this trip have been far less severe).

My birthday was very quiet, as well. Actually, until dinner rolled around, the only notable thing that I did was to make out my first batch of holiday cards. I was trying to be good this year by making sure I had bought everything and sent them all out in time to arrive before Christmas, but last week’s flu put that idea out of commission. Nonetheless, they’re on their way. Dinner was my favourite dish: macaroni and cheese, and my parents made a chocolate cake, which is always delicious. My parents chipped in to buy me a 4GB USB flash drive, which is quite useful, but never something I bought for myself. It’s large enough to be a considerable amount of storage on the go – unlike the memory stick my father has (only 512MB – which can’t even hold a feature-length movie.)

The coffee shop across the street has finally hired a new group of females. For those who live around me, my brother nad I used to dub the place the “Lesbian Coffee Shop” since the owners and managers are outspoken lesbians, and hired an almost-exclusively gay/lesbian staff. Nonetheless, they have the best coffee of anywhere I’ve tasted so far, so returning home is almost worth it for their coffee alone. In the last year or so, their lesbian staff had been declining, instead replacing them with a bunch of gay guys. While sexual orientation has never been an issue, I always liked the women they hired, so it was a shame to see them slowly move onto other things. This trip home, they’ve apparently hired a few more women, and as par with the course, they’re rather amazing. It’s nice to see they finally qualify for the “Lesbian Coffee Shop” title again, as I was only moments away from abandoning the nickname.

Yesterday revolved around meeting an old friend from high school for coffee, whom I haven’t seen in many years, and then attending a potluck with another group of high school/college friends. The guy I had coffee with ironically lives in San Francisco at the moment, although he’s a part of the Job Corps under some rather restrictive regulations which only permit him to be out until certain hours, even though he’s fully an adult. He’s had a difficult time finding work and pursuing education, so he enlisted in a program which gave him an academic background and work experience, so upon graduation he’ll be a competitive part of the workforce. He’s studying Information Technology and hopes to enter into grame programming in the future. He’s doing well, even if finances are a bit difficult, but he’s starting his first paying job in January, about which he’s stoked. The potluck gathering was with another group of people with whom I went to high school and Long Beach City College. Every year, they seem to gather at his house to celebrate another year since graduating LBCC. We’ve split off, with most of us either attending UCLA, Berkeley, or Cal State Long Beach, and most of us are doing something in either biology or chemistry. A few of my friends have already graduated, although most of them are still earning their Bachelors for one reason or another. One of the guests was also hosting a party back at his condo on Ocean Blvd, and invited the rest of us to tailgate over there. His condo overlooks the ocean, and takes up a good portion of the third floor of his complex. Next door, there was another Christmas party that his neighbours were celebrating, apparently most of the guestlist including local doctors and lawyers. I cannot help but feel extremely jealous of these people, including the friend who owns the condo by the ocean. As far as I know, this person hasn’t done much productive in his life, nor really struck upon a career that’s brought him into wealth. He’s gone back to school three times for radically different, and unrelated, disciplines. Compared to the difficulties that most everyone I know experiences getting by, it hurts to see how much I cannot afford. I’m hardly a materialistic person, but there’s a part of me that believes that one’s wealth should be determined by their contribution to society. Too often, that’s not the case, and even it can be said that I’ve been rather spoiled when it comes to educational opportunities of which I’ve neglected to take full advantage. Still, seeing a bunch of wealthy happy people did little to instill the Christmas cheer. Instead, I walked away feeling as though my tail were between my legs. Bah humbug.

I had planned on seeing a few more people before I headed off to New York, but those efforts have fallen through. Oh well, just a few more days before I leave. I might as well just relax and have a good time while I’m here, and not rely on it being filled with estranged friends. Besides, I feel proud that in my entire trip home, I’ve spent less than $20, with yesterday incurring the most expense, for a potluck contribution. Maybe there I’ll find a little more Christmas Cheer.

I look forward to helping my brother become situated with school in the Spring. He’s already reading a Psychology textbook on the chair to my left (from his last attempt a few years ago), so things are looking good.

Pro-Ana? Gag me!

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 08:00:46 GMT

I’ve been meaning to address this issue for the last several days, but previous obligations kept me from addressing the topic of “Pro-Ana.” A friend of mine wrote in her journal after she came across a list of web sites that advocate anorexia and other eating disorders as a “positive life choice.” Oddly enough, while this friend happens to be one of the most liberally-minded people I know, even this she found appalling. I thought I might as well weigh in on the issue, too, since it’s something that’s been a sensitive issue with me for a while.

Beware that the following commentary is one of the relatively rare cases in which I may come off as blatantly harsh and judgmental of a group of people’s beliefs. I realise that anorexia and bulimia are issues that permeate the lives of many people, and chances are each of us know a person who has gone through these issues at one point. Therefore, if you feel such criticism will unduly anger you, please do not continue to read. However, if you have thoughtful criticism, and invite me to look at the situation in a new way, I am open to receive it.

Life can certainly be very difficult at times. For some people, it’s a constant struggle. Therefore, I have a lot of empathy towards people who are suffering, or have endured a lot of psychological trauma in their past. To a certain degree, I accept that there are many people who walk among us believing they’re “victims of the world.” That’s a legitimate psychological state, but it’s one that usually passes once a person has learned how to transform that pain into strength. It may take a while, but it usually happens.

There are also far-reaching pressures that sell the message that everyone must become beautiful. While there may be personal aesthetic preferences amongst individuals, there are definitely cultural trends – which in the Westernised world means being thin. Unfortunately, a small subset of people are tormented by these pressures, and thus are unable to accept their natural body weights and decide to take control of their situation to lose weight. In terms of obesity, I firmly support people’s efforts to slim down through a well-balanced diet and exercise to a healthier weight, as the risks of diabetes, heart disease, and high blood pressure are simply not worth ignoring the underlying cause. When people take these efforts to extreme proportions, then it becomes a much more serious issue. Ideally, there should be a “target weight” for people to choose, and it should take into consideration that there’s the idea of being “too thin.”

In choosing to succumb to anorexia, there’s no longer a notion of a definite “goal” that’s attainable. Instead, it becomes to mean “as thin as possible,” striving for some sort of “perfection” that can never be achieved. It’s the idea that there’s always a bit more a person can do that keeps them from ever being satisfied with their appearance. That alone signifies a severe mental illness.

Problems are dealt with some sort of rational thought. If a problem can be resolved, the rational thing to do is strategise a method to achieve a desired result, and then to stick with it. If it cannot be resolved, then it only becomes logical to accept what cannot be changed. It defies the limits of “rationality” to choose a lifestyle that deprives the body of vital nutrients it needs to survive to the point where death is imminent.

Like with any difficult resolution, and starving oneself would be one of them, it’s definitely helped by inspiration. In reading one web site’s guide to Pro-Anorexia and Pro-Bulimia, some of the “thinspiration” it offered was disturbing.

The following quotes are from the “57 Reasons” page:

1. You will be FAT if you eat today; put it off another day.
No, that’s not true. If you eat today, but just don’t go overboard, then you might actually lose a little weight in a healthy manner. Exercise moderation, not abstinence.

2. You don’t NEED food.
Who’s the idiot who came up with that one? Yes, you do, otherwise you die.

5. You will be able to run faster without all that extra weight holding you back.
Actually, you won’t even have the energy to run. Your body will be in starvation mode. In fact, the first thing that goes is your muscle mass, which confers people the strength to move and do exercise. Runners know this – they must eat large quantities of complex carbohydrates to sustain their practice.

6. People will remember you as “the beautiful thin one.”
Not everyone’s into the “skin and bones” look. In fact, people may look at you funny and laugh at you – not because you’re fat, but because you’re obviously starving yourself and it’s not attractive.
8. Guys will want to get to know you, instead of laugh at you and walk away.
Maybe a few men might want to talk with you for this reason. Then again, they might pick up on the fact that you’re emotionally vulnerable and try to capitalise on that for their own benefit. Nothing makes up for a lack of personality. Like in #6, few people I know are into the “skin and bones” look. In fact, you might even scare away a guy who likes you, because your eating disorder’s too much for them to handle.

12. If you eat then you'll look like those disgusting, fat, ghetto and trailer-trash hookers on Jerry Springer.
Maybe if you sit around all day eating junk food, watching television, hanging around people who share little value for the conventions of English Language and Thought, and never exercising or grooming yourself. Eating’s not the problem for those people, laziness and ignorance is.

13. The models that everyone claims are beautiful, the spitting image of perfection, are any of them fat? NO!
Models are what some very warped and wealthy people have in their minds as an image of beauty. True, they may not be “fat” these days, but once upon a time, not so long ago, being more than “skin and bones” was considered beautiful. Beauty is as you define it, and you’re also naïve to believe there’s any universal standard out there. Today’s trend may be very different 10 years from now, and a great many people loathe the idea of any “trend” at all.

15. People who eat are selfish and unrealistic.
If you mean “trying to ensure their continued existence” as “selfish,” perhaps. Unrealistic? Well, they’re probably operating on the principle that if they don’t eat, they’ll die. That’s pretty realistic to me.

17. Anyone can have "inner beauty" but few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out.
Chances are, if you’re preoccupied with starving yourself all the time, there’s not much “inner beauty” to be had. If by “real beauty,” one means “being thin” – then I guess virtually everyone can have “real beauty” if they set their minds to it. “Inner beauty” takes just as much discipline as physical beauty, and it’s a far safer bet.

27. Nothing cant be fixed with hunger and weight loss.
Oh, my… What was this person smoking?

35. When you start to get dizzy and weak you're almost there.
If by “there” you mean “dead” – then perhaps so. If you feel dizzy and weak, that’s your body telling you that you’re fucking up and you need to change what you’re doing.

41. Food rots your teeth.
So will the lack of calcium in your diet, if you don’t eat, and that’ll rot your teeth a whole lot faster than sugar!

49. Fat people die earlier.
People with eating disorders may die earlier still.

50. You'll be the envy of all the other girls.
You’ll be the laughingstock of all the other girls.

51. All of the guys will want you.
I’m a guy, and I don’t find that attractive at all (nor am I “fat”)

52. You're less likely to get food poisoning.
Yeah, but your immune system will crap out on you, and you won’t be able to fight infections. Germs are everywhere, and a healthy diet keeps you from being sick all the time.

I recently read an autobiography by a woman who struggled with bulimia, and one of the key components behind eating disorders she mentioned is how “selfish” such a mentality is. My friend likens it to any addiction – to where achieving these goals becomes an obsession that interferes in many aspects of functioning. There’s rarely anytime when that person isn’t somehow focused on their physical appearance, and while it’s not a positive self-assessment, it’s a constant battle that destroys one’s joie de vevre. It also signifies to themselves, and the rest of the world, that the most important thing is physical appearance, so it’s possible they’re not going around judging other people (except, some of those “57 Reasons” are ruthless to others), their own insecurity taxes those of everyone around them. “Victims” or not, they’ve bought into realm that superficial beauty’s the finest thing in life to such an extent, they’re willing to sacrifice their own health and happiness in pursuit of an unattainable goal. They’re never “done,” just “closer.”

One of the hardest life lessons is learning to be comfortable with oneself. It’s very easy to see oneself as a victim, and ponder how life might be better if something were different. The only problem is, once those changes have been made, the person still hasn’t changed much on the inside. No matter what they do, nor where they go, they’re their own worst critics. This is a lesson I’ve certainly encountered, and is probably shared amongst everyone who’s ever moved to a far away place and been forced to make their own “fresh starts.” Whatever issues were driving a person to become anorexic or bulimia are still there if they have not been dealt with, even if suddenly a person has lost all of their excess body weight. The danger is that even when a person becomes so thin or ill that they cannot continue on with their lifestyle, the self-hatred is still there, preventing one to engage life to any meaningful extent. Fix the underlying mental illness, and the eating disorder will disappear. Anorexia and bulimia should not be embraced as a “positive” or even acceptable life choice. It is a symptom that a person has a serious mental illness, and therefore should seek treatment.

To believe that a web site would ever post the following is unbelievable. People who’ve succumbed to these conditions so completely and require the constant support of like-minded individuals demonstrates how far from reality they’ve veered off track:

“A true "pro-ana" is not a "victim" in any sense. Some of us may be "survivors" of various traumas and unpleasantries in our lives, from which our endurance and survival have contributed to finding our way to this path. Beyond this, however, we are more than mere "survivors." We are "thrivers!" We thrive upon challenge, upon competition, upon the raw stimulation of life, keenness of our senses, strength and artistry in our bodies, alertness and clarity in our minds. We thrive upon the fact that while all religions, philosophies, ideologies upon the earth extol the virtues of self-control and self-government, our path alone holds the key to unlock the most secret chambers of these mysteries in something so seemingly simple as an empty plate, in something so seemingly shallow as a desire to be thin.”

To think of themselves as “thrivers” is the clearest form of destructive self-delusion that one can take on. Starvation dulls the senses, dulls the mind, and the constant struggle to refrain from food impossible to let any joy into a person’s life. There is nothing to thrive on, only an unattainable ideal to cling to as if by a thread, which if taken too seriously, may result in death. Clearly, it is the opposite of thriving.

Silly Blog Fighting Game

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 06:19:33 GMT

Apparently, you can battle your LiveJournal and MySpace friends. Not sure how this works, but hey, create your cards and let's see what happens.

COMBAT CARDS 2.1

to fight lbchewie
enter your username below

CREATE YOUR CARD

Still Infirmed

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 07:19:23 GMT

Few things are more annoying than staying at home and not even having the energy to blog. Perhaps my days of limitless supplies of energy to use a computer are over, but there are a number of things I've sought to accomplish this weekend and simply felt too drained.

On Saturday, I felt considerably better than Friday, so I made it out to my birthday celebration that my friends in Northern California put together. Despite some people's advice, I felt it was important to make it out since it's the first time anyone's ever put forth the effort to do that for me, and secondly, by this time next year - I'll be on the other coast. I'd hate to let a nasty flu virus stand in the way of a milestone.

Today was spent mostly around the apartment, with a lot of napping. Hopefully I'll get around to finally filling out and sending holiday cards to several people tomorrow, as well as making it into Berkeley to run a few last-minute errands.

Until then, goodnight readers. Hope you've all been well.

Sick in Bed

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 13:16:50 GMT

The night after my Immunology final, I suddenly come down with the flu.

The ironing is delicious. :)

Final Reactions

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 01:32:05 GMT

Well, the gruesome test is over with. I just feel though I’ve been through a war. Over the last weekend, I’ve definitely been conscientious in making sure that I tried to absorb as much as the material as humanly possible. What bothers me is the fact of how so many of my classmates have feigned ignorance and pretended they were clueless and lost in the course. I suppose the reason I’m irked is that upon leaving the exam, I was able to sneak a peak at everyone’s homework grades. From the scores, it looks like everyone was doing pretty well, much different than my situation in which I found it nearly impossible to know how to proceed with even a “basic” problem. Even my friend, who has an aura of being eternally pissed off and on clueless on everything, found all the help she needed to appear as though she was keeping up with the work. Is everyone playing dumb, or are people cheating? Why does it feel like I’m the only one in this course who speaks up honestly about what he knows, and what he doesn’t know.

Afterall, it wasn’t as though everyone did well on the midterm, and I miserably failed it. No, I was slightly below the mean, which means my case should have been very typical. There were no “star” students, nor am I particularly gifted test taker compared to the average Berkeley student. We were all clueless, and yet somehow everyone else managed to turn in near-perfect homework scores including the gal who called me often the night before, claimed she didn’t study, and that she begun the day it was due. Either people are cheating, or they’re being really fucking good liars. If they could complete their homework independently in less than two hours, then they shouldn’t have done so poorly on their midterm.

I’m at a loss for words of hour pissed I am. This class was handled extremely cryptically and and dishonestly. I hate to be the one who sounds like a conspiracy theorist just because I didn’t do well, but I can’t believe that my experiences with interacting with everyone in this class are what they are. No wonder I generally dislike Berkeley science majors. If there were a way these people could get a few extra points for twisting the knife into the backside the person next to them, they’d find a way.

This type of education doesn’t stick. These are not people who walk around the world letting on that they have even the roughest idea of what their class is about. If there were really learning going on, then people wouldn’t be so dependent upon the professors. If you asked them a direct question, they could give you an authoritative answer. I’ve tried, and I haven’t encountered a single person in my class who’s ever been able to demonstrate even the slightest clue of a single problem in this course.

When I do my homework independently, I can easily teach people the steps I took off the top of my head. If I really put the time and struggled through difficult material (assuming it was within my ability), I master it very quickly. It’s fair to assume that this is at least partially true of many of my classmates. I don’t twiddle my thumbs, and have to think much at all during an exam, because I know the material if I put my own work into something.

I hate this class. Give me my C so that I’m one step further away from ever having to deal with this type of crap again. I fully understand medical school can be brutal as well, but at least nothing is very esoteric, or it’s where I have a specific interest and particular talent.

In all fairness, the thing that stings the most: if I had been able to do the homework, I would have probably gotten an A. The final exam was fairly accessible, mostly variations on problems that I’ve seen before. Quite frankly, I think I scored above the mean on this one, though I’m still in shell-shock, and not in a very good mood. I’ll need a few days.

On the bright side, one down, one more to go… and the immunology final should tell a far different story.

Final Exams: aka Academic Bulimia

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 07:56:45 GMT

After my fifth semestre at Cal, you’d think I would have gotten the hang of how things worked here. Truly, I am insane – the gold standard being that I’ve been doing the same thing over and over again believing that I’ll get different results. Too much information, too little confidence, and a growing sleep deficit all make this season’s “binge and purge” of information quite the rage.

I know better, I really do. Actually, I’ve been doing better. It’s just this nuclear physics course is really kicking everyone’s posterior. The professor and the GSI have been giving the students a good kick in the gluteus maximus by diffusing responsibility for keeping up with students’ concerns and fostering a conducive learning environment.

While I certainly shouldn’t be awarded an A for effort in this class, I’d give myself a B- at least. Considering the difficulty and constant reminder that we (the entire class) suck in the form of grades that would make even the worst slacker in high school be a little more than concerned, this is a considerable achievement. I’ve gone out of my way to at least attend about half of the GSI’s office hours. Still, this only helped with understanding the homework ex post facto.

To make matters worse, today’s review session with the professor was rather interesting. Even though the professor was moderately helpful, aided by the fact it was a Q&A session, one of the students asked the professor if the answers to the homework problem sets and the midterm would be posted anywhere. Professor Cerny laughed, saying “Oh! I wasn’t even aware! Somebody should be made a comment about that a long time ago.” We did…. Trust me. According to our GSI, they weren’t even going to be posted unless Professor Cerny said otherwise. Professor blames GSI. GSI blames professor. This is a sinking ship, and we’re all going down with it. The only consolation is that everyone else barely understands a thing, so in the end, everything works itself out. This is hardly the model of quality education, because there really is no assistance beyond the textbooks themselves. The likelihood of finding my own personal Nuclear Physics tutor is slim to none.

Judgement Day is tomorrow afternoon. After that, there’s another final and a creative project for meditation due on Thursday and Wednesday, respectively, I’m in much better shape for the those. The difference? Quality instructors!!! Oh, and maybe that I actually care about immunology. Comparatively speaking, the Immunology finals should be far more challenging than the other since they’re both upper-division courses, but Immunology is worth twice the units. Not doing so well on my final tomorrow, however painful it may be, isn’t going to be the end of the world, yet I desperately want to pass this course and just get it out of the way.

To everyone who’s found it rather difficult to get ahold of me, I hope this is a sufficient explanation why. I haven’t really been talking with anyone except the usual suspects, and even a few of my closest friends believe I’ve gone AWOL. My parents haven’t heard from me in over a week, which for some odd reason this term is an eternity for them, and there are a lot of errands I must attend to before packing up for the holidays.

Oddly enough, I haven’t been a complete hermit, thanks to the Power of Procrastination. My weekend was actually very interesting. Feeling that I haven’t done much socially for a while, I went out to a “Happy Hour” event at the Bamboo Hut in San Francisco, which went on until people finally wore themselves out at about 1:00. It was one of the few Happy Hour events that I’ve gone to that were mildly entertaining, much like the week before’s at another San Francisco bar down the street. Having a different mix of people has really helped, even though the Tiki Goddess and her faithful servants all went in tow. At one table, there were the drunks. When I arrived, my roommate had consumed an entire bottle of Bailey’s on her own before even making it to the bar, henceforth ordering three or four more drinks. Needless to say, it was a “special evening.” A surprise came in the form of a mob of people dressed up as Santa Claus flooded in the bar, who were a part of some charity raising awareness for cancer, or some degenerative disease. The single women in the bar couldn’t be happier, as they snuggled up to their favourite Santa to see if Christmas might come a little early. My roommate shouted, “This is a VERY Happy Hour.” It was enough of a scene to entice a few people who were on their way out the door to stay an hour or two longer.
Saturday evening, my roommate and I invited a group of people over to help us “Pimp Our Tree.” About six or seven people showered up, where we broke out enough lights to make PG&E very happy. If there’s a blackout in Fremont, Eileen’s tree will be the cause of it. We stuffed ourselves with pizza, made Irish Coffee, and ended up playing another interesting round of Pick-Up Lines. It’s becoming quite a “dangerous” game to play, since we’re beginning to know a little too much about each other, and have plenty of experience playing together. It corrupts the otherwise timid, innocent person with enough perversion that would might even make de Sade blush. One of these days, I’m probably going to stop playing it, as much laughter and enjoyment everyone seems to get out of it.

I’m also thankful for having a really great Italian dinner at Maggiano’s in San Jose on Sunday. I haven’t made it down there much, largely because it’s not accessible by BART, but San Jose has a nice little strip of interesting shops and good restaurants. The last time I was in the area, some friends and I were supposed to visit the Winchester Mansion for their flashlight tour right before Halloween. When that fell through, we stumbled upon this place (even though it was a tradition for some of my friends), only to encounter two-hour waits. Well, this time around, we still had to wait about an hour (they quoted us two), but it everyone went home happy. I don’t believe I’ve ever eaten at an Italian restaurant that served “family-style” catering. The eight of us selected a few appetizers, entrees, pastas, salads, and desserts, and the waiters would bring out a never-ending supply of anything we chose. Even the desserts were never-ending (and boy, was their cheesecake and chocolate mousse cake heavenly). Most of us took home leftovers, which I will faithfully devour over the next few days to remind myself that life doesn’t revolve around finals all the time.

I feel stressed and overworked, as typical with a case of the finals. Nonetheless, these last few weeks have been difficult in that in needing to be somewhat scarce, I also long for human contact a bit more than usual. My asthma’s also been being difficult the last several days. I almost never have a problem with it, but beginning Saturday evening, I’ve been using my inhalers regularly, and actually needed to take prednisone yesterday. Thank goodness I had that prescription, or it may have necessitated another lovely trip to urgent care (standard treatment is a ton of nebulised albuterol, and oral doses of prednisone and antibiotics, if there’s an infection.) I hope whatever’s lingering will resolve itself quickly. Just another sign I need to be careful in not overworking myself. Maybe I’m gathering first-hand review of relevant material in immunology? I even drew a ridiculously dorky cartoon that’ll make my professors chuckle. If I can find a scanner, I’ll upload it somewhere. The creative spark just hit me, for I never draw … especially cartoons.

I had more to write, but I’m heading off to bed, so that I have a chance to regurgitate everything I have crammed into my head over the last few days. I feel nauseated already.

Preparation for Finals

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 06:19:59 GMT

The last day of official instruction was over for me today. This leaves a final creative project for meditation, and final exams for Nuclear Chemistry and Molecular Immunology on Tuesday and Thursday, respectively. At this point, while I’ll definitely be committing my energy towards review and trying to glean some value out of the CHEM 143 course over the next few days, I’m rather blasé about their approach. Most people are panicking, I’m almost in a moment of Zen.

Lately, I’ve picked up a tea addiction in contrast to the usual coffee. Honestly, there’s no way to blow tea with additional calories and other unhealthy things. (I’m not a fan of adding sugar, milk, and other things to my beverages.) Even the caffeine content is considerably less, and it’s full of polyphenols that coffee doesn’t have. Plus, it’s probably more hydrating. A few months ago, I wouldn’t have really expected to pick up the habit. My love affair with coffee is still going strong, but its cousin is quite attractive as well. Plus, there are so many flavours! When I became ill with the flu that lingered for two weeks and started going to Panera Bread, I believe that’s when I began to convert. It continued throughout this last week with coming home at ridiculously late hours after night classes and tutoring. There’s also an element of sophistication to it, and it’s cheaper than most anything Starbucks has to offer. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

As par with finals, I will not be a complete hermit. In fact, finals seems to be one of the few times during the year when I really “have it together.” Sadly, I do operate best while under stress in most any sphere. I imagine I’ll be spending the bulk of the next few days in the chemistry library in Hildebrand Hall, although I’ve managed to organise two fun social events for MEETin in the San Francisco and Berkeley area before I leave town for the holidays.

Also, if you’re around Berkeley on Saturday, December 16th, my friends are hosting my “official” birthday party at Dave and Busters in Milpitas. If you’re interested in attending, leave me a note, and I’ll give you the details. It’ll probably be best to meet up at the Fremont BART station, and carpool together. As long as I know you in person, just because I haven’t personally reached out to you doesn’t mean you’re not invited. The more the merrier! Although, I will try to get in touch with as many people as possible.

Also on the to-do list is to arrange next semestre’s schedule. I’ll definitely be taking CHEM 105 to graduate, but the other options are widely open. Perhaps another MCB course, psychology class, and then meditation, again. A thought’s occurred to me about re-taking my Neurobiology course, in which I earned a C last Fall. I really failed to apply myself in that class, and I thought the subject was very interesting, but battling depression made it difficult to focus on anything that term. I still have the textbook, but I’m not sure if it’s allowed to repeat a class you’ve already passed. I’d like a chance at an A, just to show that it was a fluke.

Other things to do in the relatively-short term:

1) Contact Fremont Kaiser Permanente and find out about volunteering or internship positions
2) Repeat with Washington Hospital, in Fremont (located down the street.)
3) E-mail or initiate some sort of dialogue with Professors Barton and Beatty (Immunology) about research opportunities
4) Pick up a copy of Contemplative Science by Adam Wallis and e-mail the professor who spoke for the Meditation course.
5) Buy holiday cards, fill in personalised messages, and mail them out.
6) Christmas-shop for a few selected friends. You know who you are, so start dropping hints.

Holiday Wishlist Online

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 22:13:10 GMT

My Holiday Wishlist has been posted to the Holiday Wishes community. If there are any secret Santas, take a peek, although certainly talk with me, too, if you're a bit closer to me. If you haven't done so already, join the community and post your own wishlist.

General Relativity and Negativity

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 08:07:52 GMT

I suppose I’ll start with the complaining first, and get that out of the way. Today’s just been one of those mediocre experiences which is life’s little reminder how insignificant a person really is. Also on par with series of unfortunate events, they always occur in threes. None are particularly life-altering, but merely little annoyances. It’s nice to know they never occur in isolation.

It began with the Nuclear Chemistry course after a discussion on neutrinos. Today was the last day, and the professor handed out sample finals. The midterm scores were nothing short of pathetic – even Dr. Cerny made a comment to the class. While it’s hard to believe the final will be much different, we’re at least given three hours to hack away at the challenge. Last year’s final exam was handed out after class, and by the time I went up to take a copy, the person before me grabbed the last one. Professor Cerny and Mitch, the GSI, seemed shocked, as they both had absolute conviction that they printed off more than enough copies for the entire class. Nice to see the old “screw over your classmates” routine is alive and well at Berkeley. No worries, I just have to rely on unreliable people in order to obtain a copy.

Incident number two involved miscommunication about dinner plans. I was early to the agreed-upon meeting place, and waited at least twenty minutes after the meet-up time passed. By this time, it was too late to expect to have a “social” dinner, so I abandoned the idea and found an A/C outlet to plug my laptop into finish a work-related project. My friends showed up to meditation, blissfully unaware that they had left me behind. The others had all exchanged phone numbers, and I had inadvertently lost some of theirs in transferring my address book to my new phone. Still, they had mine, and obviously forgot that I was the one who planned the get-together. Foiled again by lack of organisation.

The third grievance had to do with the meditation class itself. The instructors had compiled everyone’s section attendance and whether or not a person had their mid-term project handed in, just as a reminder. While they had mentioned that not everyone’s scores had been put into the system, I regularly attended three different section leaders’ sessions. My name and student ID number had a big fat zero by it (although my mid-term had been received.) I spoke with the gal in charge of compiling the results, and apparently a glitch in their record-keeping system had failed to keep track of my section attendance. While I am technically enrolled in a different “class” as most of the others (Art Practice 197 vs. Art Practice 198), it’s a matter of the registrar to deal with, and shouldn’t have any effect on how the individual course leaders keep attendance. Now I have to contact each of my three main leaders (Emily, Ruth, and Freda) and get them to sign notes. I need thirteen discussion sections… a requirement I probably met within the first month alone.

So much for life being easy.

Today’s meditation topic featured a popular professor from the Molecular Cell Biology department to speak on the connection between science and meditation. I was looking forward to this lecture, partly because I’m skeptical of the more mystical elements behind the practice, and put more faith into scientific studies. Several discussion leaders, most notably Ruth, have made several allusions to rather amazing findings by various researchers linking remarkable accomplishments and health benefits to those who practice meditation, as opposed to the general population. Any discussion which tries to scientifically explain the link between body and mind piques my curiosity.

The guest speaker spent the entire first hour and twenty minutes giving a lengthy, and rather boring lecture on the History of Science. While I’m sure it’s important to address the scientific tradition and how it developed in the context of this course, his lecture could have been summarised within a much shorter time. Furthermore, while he took an informal poll of the majors of students in the room, most of the class were not studying the physical or biological sciences. Maybe he felt compelled to give a longer introduction on account of the classroom’s composition, but his discussion spent the bulk of the class introducing a topic he barely touched upon.

After addressing meditative traditions and physical/biological phenomena for about fifteen minutes, he ran out of time and took a question/answer session. It was during this time when I realised how little social ettiquette some of my classmates have. If anyone were looking for the most long-winded person on the face of the Earth, I believe I have succeeded in finding him. After being called upon, he needed to consult his laptop to begin asking the question. He started, and stopped, and started again, and stopped, and corrected himself, and stopped, and started all over again. In framing his question, he used just about every piece of academic jargon he probably knew. He wasted at least a minute introducing his question, and then finally his question could have been posed in less than ten words. Another student, with superior communication skills, asked the speaker to elaborate basically on the entire connection between psychedelic substances and altered states of consciousness. These two queries pretty much wasted the entire time allotted… although I must admit the question about psychedelics was of general interest for the class.

I mentioned the verbose guy because his question addressed the Dualistic philosophy between mind and matter, and also questioned the entire concept of Free Will. Entire courses at Berkeley in the Philosophy Department are devoted to these topics, and it wouldn’t surprise me that this person had taken them all. The question seemed more of mental masturbation rather than a bona fide inquiry. The lecturer perhaps touched upon the treatise of Dualism, but his lecture invited the possibility of Idealism (Go [Charles] Berkeley!) and Materialism. The greatest philosophers of all time haven’t been able to prove one system over the other, even though certainly many have had rather strong opinions. Dualism is the trickiest philosophically to defend, because it claims there is some Life Force (perhaps “soul”) that exists separate from matter, and yet somehow the two interact. Arguments for Idealism (everything we know is filtered through our senses as a part of a subjective reality, and therefore exists as an idea. As such, we have no capability to prove that something exists beyond our own mind, because we can never truly escape from it) and Materialism (“mind” is merely a complicated system of physical phenomena, and with further research and better theories, it will eventually be able to be explained) are far more defensible.

These metaphysical questions are probably not going to be settled in a classroom discussion in front of hundreds of students from such dissimilar backgrounds. If there indeed is a Dualism, perhaps it’s from the scientific point of view that matter and energy are interchangeable, according to Einstein’s famous equation: E=mc². The Eastern and Western traditions have evolved completely separate languages to essentially discover paths leading to the same place. Western thought embraces the concept of a predominantly material reality, and Eastern traditions look at the energetic components. It’s actually quite beautiful – the fusion between the Occidental and Oriental schools of thought. However, the metaphor of energy isn’t esoteric at all, or reserved to New Age practitioners. Mass is energy. Everything that happens is done with intention, and any physical phenomenon is a shift of energy. Work is energy, and it’s this energy that brings change into the world. It’s not even that far-fetched to conceive, in extremely minute – but possibly significant physical phenomena, that people are “on a wavelength.” All matter has a wavelength associated with it - however infinitesimal it may be. Like with any wave, though, there is the interference whenever it interacts with another wave. This interference may be giving rise to the physical world. In fact, this is exactly what quantum mechanics postulates. This sort of “dualism” is ultimately physical in origin.

I guess in all, approach your metaphysical journey in whatever way makes sense to you. Whether it’s through introspection and mastering the mind, body, and spirit through meditation, or referring to the sciences based on observable data, just agree that in essence you’re searching for the same answers with different languages. Learn each other’s languages, but arguing which is better is similar to arguing whether French or English are superior to each other. Undoubtedly, there will be preferences, but there is no “right answer.” Chances are they will validate each other, as each were created to serve the same purpose: to explain human experience.

The Giving Spirit

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 21:43:41 GMT

A wonderful community on LiveJournal called Holiday Wishes is designed to bridge the gap between a digital and real community to grant real holiday wishes. Create a list of ten items that you really want, no matter how large or small they may be, and then follow the instructions to join and post to the community.

Other people will then browse the posts and see whether they have it within their ability and hearts to grant random holiday wishes. Likewise, if you are able to spread the cheer to someone else, the community is there for that.

Once my list is approved, I’ll post a direct link to it. I must say, a few of my friends have submitted their lists and received responses – meaning there are a lot of thoughtful and unselfish people out there.

Post your own, and spread the word!

Onslaught of Likely Introspective Blogging

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 08:43:19 GMT

In the spirit of winding down yet another year, I imagine there’s going to be a myriad of blogging aimed at trying to make sense of who we were a year ago, and where we’ve headed since then. Nonetheless, any reader of this journal has certainly noticed no lack of such energy throughout the whole period. Any sort of “Year In Review” type posts may be diffused in bits and pieces, and I may produce no such formal, self-contained post.

(And now I’m just listening to myself talk in pure stream-of-consciousness style)

As silly and absolutely pathologically ridiculously as it seems, I still have not managed to do whatever mental block I have to making tangible, and fairly simple, lifestyle changes that improve my life. At this point, I’m exceedingly frustrated with myself, even though in a lot of ways, things are going well. The problem lies in the internal realm, in the sphere of things which are solely my duty to control. The basics, like doing homework on time, learning to budget, and generally being an organised person. It seems I prefer more to gripe about things than actually solve my own problems.

Case in point: Over the last several weeks, a few friends have suggested some very good strategies for trying to save money by cooking at home. Apparently, Trader Joe’s makes it insultingly easy by preparing pre-cooked meals at a bargain that just need to be stuck in the microwave. They are supposedly good-tasting and healthy at a fraction of the price of what I would pay to dine out. Simple enough, eh? Yeah, so why can’t I get off my keister and walk the mile down there and pick up several of these meals, and walk back? It’s not like I’m gaining anything by eating out these days, since I’m usually by myself. I’d much rather stay indoors in the comfort of my apartment, especially with the cold weather that’s hit us lately, than stay out all hours of the evening somewhere in Berkeley or Fremont, simply because I can’t be bothered to cook my own meals.

Even more trivial – My cell phone’s been having a lot of issues. First it was the keypad that temporarily malfunctioned, but the issue resolved itself on its own. Now, the battery doesn’t seem to be holding a charge. I logged onto eBay to order a replacement, (after procrastinating for no less than two weeks) only to find dozens of Alerts saying that the person I’m sharing my eBay account with has been past-due on sellers’ fees, and the account’s been suspended. I really don’t want to go through the hassle of creating a new account and rebuilding the “online reputation” it has. Even so, with the amount of personal information it asks to verify identity, it could be quite hard. I forget whose credit cards the account’s linked to. At least I paid the fees, but now it’s going to be at least several more days before I can buy stuff again. Still, it seems like a wasted effort because I’m not much further along the process of helping myself than before.

Efforts to pay attention to dieting and exercise have been equally unsuccessful due to lack of willpower. I’m becoming fussier with soliciting new tutoring clients, and even my attendance and enthusiasm towards meditation is sloughing off. Perhaps it’s because my schedule’s already very chaotic, but it feels like I’m fighting this long uphill battle that I could lose at any moment. It’s made more tangible since there’re also dollars and cents attached to the worries. I really hate money these days, but hey – if I had to rely on my reputation and value to the community alone, I’d probably be in a worse state right now. I haven’t produced much lately, academic, professionally, or creatively. I’m just a few levels below “pissed” about that.

Nonetheless, “pissed” and “frustrated” is better off than feeling numb inside, as previously had happened. There’s definitely energy in those emotions, and in a way, the emotions are comforting because they’re a reminder that something’s alive inside.

I’m plagued with that my life seems so unstructured lately, and little has really been done to whittle down the possibilities. The unknown always worries me, and despite some efforts to create synergy between different efforts to advance multiple interests (usually, at least in part professional), the more I investigate, the more it seems I wish to dive into.

For instance, it appears that entering into medical school is going to be a challenge if I were to simply rely on grades and MCAT scores. I still haven’t taken the MCAT, and I haven’t even begun preparing, so that’s an outstanding variable that can very literally make or break me. Tutoring, in some ways, assists me towards that direction, but it’s become clear that my mastery of general physics has deteriorated pretty far after taking a really long break from it. Everything suffers from entropy. There’s that research idea, but after speaking with somebody last night, it’s become clear that even that might not be the best options to take. Medical school’s almost as bad as finding the right lover – you’re out there desperately trying to prove your worth, while they sit back with the upper-hand with a collage of requirements, it’s amazing that anyone actually can live up to them. They love the intellectual, outgoing, hard-working, well-rounded person who’s willing to sacrifice his life, his family, his friends, his sanity, and every creative aspiration to dedicate entirely on medicine. They’re looking for introverts (seriously, bank loan officers believe that an “extraverted” personality poses a default risk), yet the admissions and interviewing process is best suited for an extravert. There are so many mixed messages in the process. Perhaps I should apply the experience in trying to find a relationship with medical school – the more one fights and allows one to pander to any particular ideal, at the expense of being true to oneself, will inevitably lead to disaster.

I just don’t have the time. I’d like more research experience, but it has to be taken into consideration that it needs to pay well enough to at least support having a roommate in the NYC metro area, with enough funds left over to pay bills and go out every once in a while. Volunteering at a hospital or some other health-related venue looks outstanding, but I’m not sure how to accommodate it. It’s not from any lack of desire to give of myself. There’s just no way to skate around the issue, I’m not making enough money. I hate piling into debt, and the further I go, the harder it becomes to stay afloat. I’d like some time to set aside so that I at least perform for friends on the piano, instead of having a few dozen hackneyed pieces that are rustier than battleship that hasn’t seen the ocean in decades. Even today, a close friend and I were speaking when the topic of writing a novel came up. Something about that intrigues me. If I could force myself to sit down and put some of my ridiculous ideas down on paper, and then develop them, I’d probably have something quite interesting. One the creative juices start to flow, it comes off far more polished than this tiresome banter. My psychology essays in high school were quite interesting, and had a great time writing very daring responses to the AP exam. The readers must have been grateful, too, but psychology courses have an inherently “liberating” essence to them, so I can’t say mine were particularly special. I’d never choose it for as a career, but I wouldn’t mind getting at least one thing published. Then again, who doesn’t claim that they’d love to write a novel? I’d love to fragment myself and have each of its pieces develop in a different direction to pursue its fullest potential. Life doesn’t lack choices, it has too many of them, but they all compete with each other and it’s very difficult to figure out which directions are best.

To top it all off, and despite knowing that it’s not true, I feel absolutely alone in this battle. Many people whom I know personally are going through similar struggles, and yet I’m selfishly stuck in my own affairs feeling isolated. This is where communication is helpful. Help and support are out there, and it takes knowing where to turn and the courage of doing so.

Stage directions:
[Gives up writing for now, lets out a dramatic sigh, and exits stage left.]

Calm Before the Storm

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 01:07:23 GMT

Now that it’s the second to last week of instruction, before finals begin, it’s that little tiny instant of time where there doesn’t seem like much is happening, before everything occurs all at once. While I’m in good position with one of my courses, and thus not terribly worried about its final exam, nuclear chemistry will be interesting. In fact, the nuclear chemistry course just returned its midterm yesterday, while the GSIs took just a few days shy of a month to grade less than 40 tests. As expected, scores were pathetic. The class average was 38%, and I scored just below that, so I’ll definitely have to atone for it somehow. In the meantime, we’ve had a substitute professor for a few class meetings. This guy’s actually understandable – and wonder of all wonders – he actually teaches the material. However, I’ve come to discover the importance of Socratic teaching methods. Encourage participation, and hold students accountable for course material. That way, we’re all on the same page, and the professor knows exactly what material to cover! Then again, it doesn’t take a Berkeley grad to figure that out…

Despite the anticipated, but still depressing grades, things have been going well. Our midterm papers for meditation were returned in class last night. I wasn’t quite sure what my instructor’s reaction would be. While I believe she’s an amazing person, she has no science background at all, and most of my paper was spent trying to relate meditation from a scientific point of view. In doing so, I honestly voiced my concerns and criticism of my progress so far (even though it was part of the assignment), thus I didn’t know how it would be received. Nonetheless, I was amazed that Emily had written a page and a half of very thoughtful comments, and encouragement. Parts of her response even reflected her Hippie-upbringing, encouraging me to take solace with the Trees during rough times, and take time to feel grounded to the Earth. At the same time, she appreciated the alternative perspective, and had a lot of other wonderful things to say. Damn, I had to find these people right before I graduated? My life would have sucked a lot less had I encountered them sooner!

The other book I was expecting, Accidental Recklessness, arrived Monday afternoon, so I spent much of that evening, and the next day immersed with it. I’ll write a review of it in another entry, but what was particularly special is that it’s an intensely personal story and that I have a direct line of communication with its author. I wrote her a very long response yesterday afternoon, which she enjoyed and promises to write back soon. That’s a remarkably special experience, to say the least.

I’ve also been trying to brush up some piano skills, restoring rusty pieces and learning a few new ones. I’ve taken some of the suggestions in my call for new pieces to learn. Also, a friend of mine pointed me in the direction of a singer-songwriter who routinely publishes trios online – usually of his own creation, but lately of influential songs in his life. It reminds me that even though I’m occupied with many other things, that people are still capable of accomplishing a lot of amazing artistic feats. Arranging Tori Amos’s music can be a royal pain, since she’s an extremely talented musician, and her songs reflect that. There’s much by her I haven’t heard, but “Spark” gained a lot of airtime on the radio, and thus it was great to hear someone else attempt it – as well as to try my own hands at it. Faithful renditions are made more complicated by her unusual use of time-signature. Its flow is frequently interrupted by introducing extra beats into various movements, adding to the overall instability of the song. Given another few sessions with a piano, I’ll have it down, taking advantage of some artistic license to make it an instrumental version.

That being said, further recommendations are continually accepted!

I’m definitely looking forward to being finished with this semestre, and then it’s on to birthday and Christmas celebrations with friends and family, and then off to New York for a week around New Years with Sami. Lots of traveling and festivities, and friendly faces. It’s great to have a Christmas vacation that doesn’t consist of just sitting around for a month!

Yay, exciting… so much so, I’m going to hop on BART to return home.

Thanksgiving Holiday

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 23:48:48 GMT

My travels began Tuesday morning, packing the morning before my departure to Los Angeles, and taking BART to San Francisco International. I had timed it pretty well, to arrive one hour prior to departure, assuming there wouldn’t be any massive lines at the airport, since I was travelling before the holiday rush. While my predictions were correct, what I had not counted on was that between the time I left my apartment and arriving at the airport, American Airlines had cancelled my flight. When I checked into the kiosk, my 1:00pm departure was pushed back to 4:35pm. Needless to say, I wasn’t happy. Since I was already there, and it’s a 90 minute BART ride away from my apartment, and about an hour (round-trip) from San Francisco, there was nowhere I could reasonably go, especially with the luggage in hand.

I stood in line at the American Airline check-in counter and learned there was a flight, with only a few seats left, departing for Los Angeles at 2:30. While this still meant I had to wait around a bit longer than I expected, at least it wasn’t a three and a hour delay. I posed as a business traveler, claiming that I had a meeting at 4:30 in Los Angeles that I absolutely couldn’t miss. After the airline representative checked United for alternatives, she put me on priority standby for the earlier flight, warning me that I couldn’t expect to get a seat. At this point, remembering an article on MSN News a while ago, I asserted my dissatisfaction of being stuck in the airport for much longer than anticipated, and was able to get a lunch voucher. My bargaining skills definitely paid off. I actually made it on the earlier flight, and ate lunch on the airline. Had I said nothing, I would have been stuck with the 4:30 flight.

In addition to a few days of home-cooked meals, and spending less than $5 a day, this was one of the first times I returned home to somewhat good news. My father appears to be very happy at his new part-time job, and has spoken of seeking out full-time employment in earnest. Even my mother has a few interesting job leads, which would really be wonderful for her. My brother is doing well, and is strongly considering going back to college to receive a non-vocational degree. Chris and I spoke of several options that would eventually lead him to a Bachelor’s degree through an accredited university. He aspires to continue onto law school. He’s been concentrating his efforts in search of the fastest route through school, but quite frankly, he’s learned that sometimes rushing through education without gaining life and work experience doesn’t help build a good reputation and demonstrate responsibility.

While I had planned to meet up with a few people, my brother decided to stay with the family for several days, so he and I had a chance to spend some time together, unlike during previous vacations. This time also wasn’t so terrible in terms of allergies, although I was still taking Benadryl to be cautious; therefore, I still felt pretty drugged.

It’s good to know that family’s around, and at the same time, this Thanksgiving helped to show that the blessings that perhaps I overlooked in the past. There really wasn’t any bickering this year, which is an excellent feeling. Everyone simply got along.

The only drawback is that I didn’t have time to see any friends from Southern California. However, I’ll be returning there in less than a month, so I’ll try to catch up with old companions then. Now my efforts are being spent finishing up the rest of the term by studying for finals. There won’t be much time for anything else, but that’s okay, I’m a bit worn out from the social scene these days anyway.

I hope everyone else’s holiday went well.